Asking for Help: Why It’s Hard and How to Make It Easier

I sat across from my neighbor at lunch, catching up on life, when she brought up a memory from years ago. “Remember that time you called me at 3 a.m.?” she said with a smile.

Of course, I remembered. My husband needed to go to the hospital, and I had two sleeping kids in the house. I had no choice but to pick up the phone and ask for help. Without hesitation, she came over, stayed with my children, and made an incredibly difficult night just a little bit easier.

That conversation gave me the chance to say something I hope she already knew: how deeply grateful I was. I also told her that if she ever needed anything in the middle of the night, I hoped she’d call me, too.

Asking for help isn’t always easy. For many people, it can feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, or even like a failure. But what if we reframe it? What if asking for help isn’t a burden but an opportunity—to connect, to support each other, and to allow others to show up for us in ways that strengthen our relationships?

Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard

There are many reasons why people struggle to ask for help, but for those whose love language is acts of service, the challenge can be even greater.

If your primary way of showing and receiving love is through doing things for others, asking for help might feel unnatural. You may believe that love should be freely given, without needing to be requested. You may also worry that by asking, you’re putting a burden on the other person—especially if you thrive on making life easier for them instead.

This can create an internal conflict. You need help, but because your instinct is to express love by taking care of things yourself, asking for help might not feel like love at all. Instead, it can feel like a compromise, or worse, a sign that your needs are somehow less important because they require explicit communication.

But here’s the truth: Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of trust.

The Power of Letting Others Show Up

Think about a time when you were able to help someone else. Did it feel like a burden? Or did it feel meaningful to be able to support them?

For most of us, it feels good to be needed. It strengthens our bonds, deepens our relationships, and reminds us that we’re not in this life alone. When my neighbor came over that night, I know she didn’t see it as an inconvenience—she saw it as a way to help someone she cared about. And yet, I hesitated before making that call.

That hesitation is common. We worry about being an inconvenience, about seeming incapable, or about disrupting someone else’s life. But the reality is, most people are more than willing to help, especially when they know that we’d do the same for them.

If you struggle to ask for help, consider this: When you let someone help you, you’re giving them the opportunity to be there for you. You’re strengthening your relationship by allowing them to express care in a tangible way.

How to Get More Comfortable Asking for Help

Getting comfortable with asking for help doesn’t happen overnight, but small shifts can make it easier.

One way to start is by making small requests. If you’re not used to asking for help, begin with something simple. It could be asking a friend to grab an item from the grocery store while they’re out or requesting a small favor that doesn’t feel overwhelming. Practicing in low-stakes situations can help build confidence and make the act of asking feel more natural over time.

Reframing how you think about help can also make a significant difference. Instead of seeing it as a burden, try to view it as an invitation. Just as you feel valued when you help others, your loved ones feel valued when they can support you, too. This shift in perspective can ease the discomfort that often accompanies asking for assistance.

Clear communication plays an essential role as well. Many people assume that those close to them should instinctively know what they need, but even the most attentive loved ones aren’t mind readers. Instead of waiting for someone to notice your struggle, practice saying something direct, like: "I could really use a hand with this—would you mind helping?" Being open and specific ensures that your needs are understood and met with greater ease.

It’s also helpful to recognize that help can come in many different forms. Sometimes, we have a very specific idea of how we want help to show up, but support doesn’t always look exactly the way we expect. Being open to different kinds of assistance—whether it’s emotional support, practical help, or just someone holding space for you—can make it easier to receive.

Finally, remind yourself that you deserve support, too. If you naturally focus on helping others, you might feel guilty asking for anything in return. But relationships are about mutual care. You wouldn’t hesitate to help someone you love—so don’t convince yourself that you’re unworthy of receiving the same.

Strengthen Your Ability to Ask for Help

If you’ve spent a lifetime avoiding asking for help, breaking the habit takes time. It requires self-awareness, a shift in perspective, and a willingness to lean into discomfort.

But it’s worth it.

Letting others support you strengthens your connections, deepens trust, and helps you navigate life’s challenges with greater ease. It’s not about dependence—it’s about recognizing that we all need each other.  

If you’re struggling to communicate your needs or find yourself feeling isolated, our Active Listening Appointments can help. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Book your 1:1 Active Listening session today and experience the power of being truly heard.