Feelings

The Power of Naming Feelings: A Path to Connection and Growth

The swimming pool was alive with the sounds of children splashing, laughing, and playing, but one interaction caught my attention. A child nearby was wailing, visibly resistant and unhappy, while their mother seemed equally overwhelmed—reacting, not responding. It was a raw, familiar moment that many parents can relate to, and it sent me back in time to my own struggles before I learned and practiced what I’m about to share with you.

Feelings—such an integral part of being human, yet so often misunderstood or avoided. Many of us go through life without fully grasping what we’re feeling or why. Personally, I sometimes still catch myself trying to avoid identifying my emotions. Growing up, expressing feelings wasn’t always a safe or wise choice, so I learned to protect myself by keeping them hidden. That served me well as a child, but as an adult, it became a limitation.

The Journey to Naming Feelings

This year, I’ve been focusing on one word: Happy. I want to feel it, know it, and embrace it deeply. But here’s the thing—how can we truly recognize happiness if we can’t identify when we’re not happy? The truth is, we need the full spectrum of emotions to understand and appreciate happiness when it comes. Every feeling plays a role in our growth and awareness.

Naming feelings isn’t always easy, especially if it’s new territory. If you’re just starting out, keep it simple. Begin with the basics: happy, sad, angry, afraid. Practice noticing when you feel these core emotions and name them. This foundational step builds your emotional awareness and helps you navigate your inner world with more clarity.

The Importance of Safe Spaces to Share Feelings

As you build awareness of your own emotions, having safe people to share them with becomes invaluable. Whether it’s a trusted friend, partner, or a professional, talking through what you’re feeling can bring immense relief and clarity. It’s not just about venting—it’s about being heard and validated in a way that helps you process and move forward.

If you’re thinking, “That sounds great, but where do I even start?” finding a truly safe space to unpack your thoughts and feelings can be transformative. Sometimes, having someone who is trained to listen without judgment or interruptions can provide clarity and relief. This kind of support can make a world of difference, especially when life feels overwhelming.

The Importance of Nuance

As you grow more comfortable identifying your emotions, it’s important to recognize the nuances within them. While the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) identifies two broad categories of feelings—those when your needs are satisfied and those when your needs are not satisfied—there is a vast difference between terms like dislike and horrified. Precision matters, especially when you’re listening to others.

Imagine someone telling you about a tough experience. If you mislabel their emotion as “annoyed” when they are actually “devastated,” they might feel misunderstood. But if you validate their true feeling by reflecting, “It sounds like you’re feeling devastated by what happened,” it shows them you’re listening on a deeper level. This creates connection and builds trust.

Why All Feelings Matter

Did you notice that the two broad categories from CNVC aren’t labeled “good” and “bad”? Instead, they’re described as “when needs are satisfied” and “when needs are not satisfied.” This distinction is powerful. It reminds us that no feeling is inherently wrong. While some emotions are more comfortable to sit with and others less so, every feeling has its place and purpose.

Often, we label emotions like happiness, joy, or excitement as “good” and sadness, anger, or fear as “bad.” But what if we stopped judging our feelings and started accepting them for what they are—signals that guide us toward greater self-awareness? Sadness might tell us that we need comfort or connection. Anger could signal a boundary that’s been crossed. Fear might highlight a need for safety. Every emotion is a message waiting to be understood.

How to Build Emotional Awareness

Developing the ability to name your feelings takes practice. One simple way to start is by checking in with yourself a few times a day. Tie this habit to an activity you already do regularly—eating a meal, brushing your teeth, or even taking a bathroom break. Pause for a moment and ask yourself, What am I feeling right now?

At first, you might only recognize broad emotions like happy or sad. That’s okay. Over time, you’ll start to notice subtler distinctions, like the difference between content and elated, or irritated and angry. This growing awareness not only helps you understand yourself better but also creates the foundation for connecting more deeply with others.

Why This Matters in Listening

Listening well isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about tuning into the emotions behind them. When you practice identifying your own feelings, you build the vocabulary and empathy needed to understand others. This awareness allows you to respond with more accuracy and compassion, creating meaningful connections.

For example, if someone shares a challenging experience, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because you wanted things to go differently. Is that right?” By validating their emotions, you show that you’re fully present and engaged in their experience. This simple act of listening can be transformative.

Take the Next Step Toward Connection

Feelings are a bridge between our inner world and the people around us. Learning to name them not only strengthens your relationship with yourself but also improves how you connect with others. And if you’re looking for a safe, supportive space to practice this, HOLD’s confidential listening service is here to help. Sometimes, just having someone to hear you out can make all the difference.

Whether you’re new to exploring your emotions or looking to deepen your understanding, this practice of naming feelings is a powerful tool for personal growth. It’s not about getting it “right”—it’s about showing up for yourself and others with curiosity, honesty, and compassion. So start small, keep practicing, and watch how your connections transform.