Mom! Mom! Mom! – The Listening Balance

active listening emotional regulation parenting Apr 06, 2025

Very focused parents each listening to a child on the couch

There’s a universal experience that every parent knows all too well. Whether it’s "Mom! Mom! Mom!" or "Dad! Dad! Dad!"—the urgency in that repeated call can feel relentless. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of a conversation, cooking dinner, or just sitting down for a rare moment of rest; when a child wants your attention, they want it now.

While it’s important to be present and responsive, it’s just as crucial to teach kids impulse control. After all, raising emotionally intelligent children means not only making them feel heard but also helping them understand that other people’s time and focus matter too.

The Power of Listening

Children call for us because they trust us. They believe we are their safe place, their steady foundation in a world that often feels overwhelming. And while hearing "Mom!" or "Dad!" a hundred times a day (or more per child) can be exhausting, at its core, it’s a reflection of that trust.

Listening to our kids doesn’t just mean hearing their words—it means fully engaging. When my children wanted my attention, I made it a priority to connect in a meaningful way. That meant getting down to their level, making eye contact, and reflecting back both what they said and how they felt.

For example, if my child ran up to me saying, "I can’t find my toy, help me!" I wouldn’t just say, "It’s somewhere, go look for it." Instead, I might say, "I hear that you’re feeling frustrated because your toy is missing. Let’s take a deep breath and think about where we last saw it." This kind of response acknowledges their feelings while also guiding them toward a solution.

Teaching Patience Through the Montessori Method

As much as I wanted my kids to feel heard, I also needed to maintain my own focus throughout the day. I used a Montessori-inspired technique that worked beautifully in our household. If I was busy and they wanted my attention, they would gently place their hand on my arm, shoulder, or leg. That simple touch let me know they needed me, and in return, I would place my hand over theirs as an unspoken acknowledgment: "I see you. I’ll be with you in a moment."

This small act taught my children that their needs mattered, but so did the space and focus of others. It also modeled patience, respect, and self-regulation—skills that would serve them in school, friendships, and beyond.

And it wasn’t just for them. I made a point to do the same when I needed their attention. If they were deeply immersed in play, I would gently place my hand on them instead of immediately interrupting. This mutual respect helped them understand that listening is a two-way street.

To introduce this, I explained in a calm moment what we were going to do and why. Over time, it became second nature.

Managing the Overwhelm

As much as I believed in the power of listening, I also remember reaching the end of my patience. There were days when the sound of "Mom!" over and over again made me feel like I was going to break. And that’s normal. Parenting is a full-time job, and the mental load of being "on" all the time can wear anyone down.

It’s okay to feel like you can’t take one more interruption. What’s important is how you respond in those moments. Reacting from frustration only teaches children that their emotions trigger ours. Instead, taking a deep breath and finding ways to care for your own needs helps you show up for them in a calmer, more intentional way.

Make sure to have time in your day when you are not actively parenting. Single parents, in particular, need to be very intentional about building this in. Develop relationships where you have someone to call when you need a break.

If you find yourself at the edge, try:

Stepping away for a moment—even if it’s just to the bathroom. In nice weather, step outside for a few deep breaths.
Setting a clear boundary: "I need five minutes to finish this, and then I’m all yours." Use a timer your child can hear so they know when it’s their turn.
Using humor: "I hear you calling me—did you know I can still hear you even if you say it just once?" (use carefully so as not to shame especially with a sensitive child)
Checking in on your own needs: Are you hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Meeting your own needs helps you respond with more patience.

The Difference Between Reacting and Interacting

When we’re exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s easy to react to our kids instead of interacting with them.

A reaction is automatic—it comes from stress, frustration, or depletion.

An interaction is intentional—it acknowledges both their needs and ours.

Instead of snapping, "What do you want now?!" when they call for you for the twentieth time in a row, try taking a breath and responding with, "I see you need me. What’s up?"

This simple shift creates a different dynamic. It teaches kids that they are worthy of attention while also modeling how to engage with others in a thoughtful, respectful way.

Cultivating Connection and Self-Regulation

In the end, parenting is a balance. We want our children to feel safe and heard, but we also want them to develop patience and emotional regulation.

Listening to them teaches them that their voices matter. Teaching them to wait and respect others’ space helps them become thoughtful, emotionally aware individuals.

So the next time you hear "Mom!" or "Dad!" for what feels like the millionth time, take a breath. Acknowledge them, guide them, and remember—this phase won’t last forever. You’re shaping not just their childhood but their future ability to communicate, connect, and be patient with others.