Can You Accept a Compliment?

Is accepting a compliment easy for you? It hasn’t always been for me, and every once in a while, I still catch myself deflecting kind words or, worse, get called out for not letting them in.

The most important factor in changing this is the awareness it is happening. If you don’t realize there’s something amiss, you can’t make a change. The good news is that awareness opens the door to growth. And as we grow, we can begin to embrace what compliments are at their core: someone else’s recognition of our worth, our effort, or the unique light we bring to the world.

Your very essence is pure positive energy. You are amazing just the way you are. I hope you take it in. And if you’re not there yet, that’s okay. We’re all learning to accept ourselves more fully, one step at a time.

The Impact of Deflecting vs. Accepting Compliments

I vividly remember officiating a funeral service for a family navigating deep grief. My role was to listen—to hold space for their memories, their emotions, and their hopes for how their loved one would be honored. Through their stories, I pieced together a service that reflected their love and loss with care and intention.

After the service, the family approached me with tears of gratitude. They told me how much it meant to them that I had truly heard them, that I had captured their loved one’s spirit so perfectly. Their words were kind, heartfelt, and deeply moving. And do you know what I said? “Oh, it was nothing—just doing my job.”

In that moment, I deflected their gratitude. I minimized the impact of my presence and my work, brushing off their heartfelt compliment as though it were insignificant.

It wasn’t until later that I began to reflect on what had happened. By dismissing their words, I had denied myself the chance to connect with their gratitude. I had also unintentionally undermined their need to express it. Compliments are a gift, and I had, in essence, handed this gift back to them unopened.

But another moment came, and I chose differently. Another family thanked me after a service, and instead of brushing it off, I paused. I let their words sink in. I looked them in the eye and said, “Thank you. It means so much to hear that.”

The difference was profound—not just for them but for me. Allowing their gratitude to settle, I felt the weight of their words, the acknowledgment of my efforts, and the difference I had made in their lives during a difficult time. It felt vulnerable, but it also felt right.

Why Compliments Matter

Accepting a compliment isn’t about inflating your ego; it’s about honoring the connection between you and the person offering it. When someone takes the time to recognize your value, dismissing it can feel like rejecting their perspective. It sends the message, however unintended, that their acknowledgment doesn’t matter.

On the other hand, accepting a compliment fosters connection. It shows the other person that their words were received, that their effort to express gratitude or admiration was meaningful. This simple exchange can strengthen relationships and deepen mutual respect.

How to Accept a Compliment

Accepting a compliment is a skill that can be cultivated. It starts with awareness and intention. When someone offers kind words, pause before you respond. Resist the urge to dismiss or downplay their words. Instead, offer a heartfelt “thank you.”

If the compliment feels uncomfortable to receive, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel vulnerable. Compliments often highlight the parts of ourselves we’re still learning to accept, and that’s part of the journey. Embracing this discomfort is a step toward greater self-compassion and confidence.

Teaching Others by Example

This matters not just for you but for the people who learn from you—especially children. We often don’t realize it at the time, but our patterns become part of what we model for those around us. When I reflect on my journey, I wish I had started working through this sooner. Perhaps my kids would have found it easier to believe in their own worth and navigate their own self-doubts. Ironically, it was seeing similar patterns in my child that made me aware of what I was doing.

Breaking the cycle of deflecting compliments isn’t just a gift to ourselves—it’s a legacy of confidence and self-acceptance we can pass on to others. When we model how to graciously accept a compliment, we show others that it’s okay to recognize and celebrate their worth too.

Compliments as Connection

Compliments are about connection. They’re someone’s way of saying, “I see you. I value what you bring to this moment, this relationship, or this world.” The next time someone offers you kind words, take a deep breath and let them in. You might be surprised by how deeply they resonate when you allow yourself to feel their truth.

If you’re still struggling with this, consider exploring our confidential listening service. Sometimes, all we need is someone to hear us, to remind us of our worth and help us move closer to embracing it. You’re worth the effort, and so are the relationships that grow stronger when you connect.