Calm

Horns honk, crowds bustle, kids shout—life is noisy and fast-paced, and it can be overwhelming. Every day, news articles point out the harm of that stress. But as someone living in this world, what can you do about it?

Finding Calm with Another

“Deb, have you seen the chaos of my life?” you might ask. While I haven’t seen your specific situation, I’ve lived through my own, and I’ve learned that there’s little more important than finding a way to embody calm.

Just this week, I was set for an Instagram live with my colleague, Steph Blake. She graciously allowed me to share this story. On the day of our meeting, she needed to drop her kids off and got caught in traffic. She used voice messaging to let me know she might be late and she would be there as soon as she could. I knew she would likely enter our conversation somewhat frazzled.

While waiting for her, I practiced some grounding techniques. I focused on my breathing, used some essential oil, and envisioned our conversation going smoothly and uplifting those who would listen.

When Steph arrived, it was clear she was trying to regulate herself, and she admitted as much. I invited her to relax, reassuring her that I was not in any way distressed by the situation. She immediately felt relief as I encouraged her to borrow my calm to reestablish hers. This process is called coregulation. We often do this with our kids, but we sometimes forget that we can do it with adults as well.

My business partner, Linda, recalls a time when she reached out to a friend. Both were upset at the start of the conversation, venting their frustrations. But as they continued to hold space for each other, they eventually found themselves laughing and reconnecting with joy.

Cultivating Calm through Emotional Regulation

What is emotional regulation? It is recognizing, understanding, and effectively responding to various emotional experiences such as anger, sadness, joy, fear, and frustration. It’s about maintaining an even keel, no matter what life throws your way.

The recent Olympics were a perfect example of emotional regulation in action. Athletes, whether they won or not, often reached for their teammates to help regulate their emotions. The focus and regulation required before each event were immense, and the pressure was palpable.

These athletes experienced extreme emotions, yet they found the calm needed to excel. That calm, which allows for intense focus, was essential for them to even be at the Olympics. Emotional regulation is crucial in all walks of life.

I was struck by their willingness to openly show moments of dysregulation and the subsequent reestablishment of calm. Through tears of joy and sorrow, both words and touch helped them regain composure, demonstrating extreme emotional intelligence and sportsmanship. Their care extended not just to their teammates but also to others they were competing against.

While I’m not an Olympic athlete, and most of you probably aren’t either, the point here is the power of emotional regulation and how it enhances focus and the ability to create calm in order to perform. Whether that performance is on the athletic field or simply getting your kids dressed, fed, and to school, emotional regulation helps you be your best.

You Have the Power to Create Calm

When you’re in the midst of your kids running around instead of putting on their shoes as you asked, while simultaneously packing lunches and soothing the baby, it may feel like calm is utterly impossible.

Nonetheless, you have the power in that moment to pause and remind yourself that everything will be alright. You can notice your breathing, appreciate that your children are healthy and energetic, and feel gratitude for the food you’re packing. In doing so, you can let a sense of well-being rush back into your awareness. Even in the middle of chaos, you can create inner calm. It really is a choice you get to make every moment.

If you struggle to find it on your own, reaching out for connection, as mentioned earlier, can be a great help. Sometimes, like Steph and Linda, we can use another person to help us co-regulate.

Cultivating Calm through Mindfulness

One powerful tool to help us regulate our emotions and attain the calm we desire is mindfulness.

Mindfulness is about being present in the moment. So often, our minds are occupied with the past or the future. We may dwell on events or decisions that have already happened, but we can’t change the past. The best we can do is learn from it and move on.

We might also spend time worrying about possible futures, projecting what might happen. But those scenarios don’t exist yet and may never come to pass. It’s important to set aside these distractions and live in the now, where our true power lies.

Calm through a Change of Scenery

Sometimes, a simple change of scenery can help reset our state of mind. Physical activity, like taking a walk or even moving to a different room, can help process stress hormones and release more beneficial ones. A shift in environment can jolt the brain into moving on to something new.

Nature, in particular, is incredibly beneficial. I live in the mountains and can see them from my backyard. When I was little, I lived in Iowa, where the power of the green grass and trees had a similar effect. Just last night, I heard crickets chirping and relaxed into their song. Even if you live in a city, the sky is always above you, steady and calming. Find the calm in that steadiness.

Embrace Calm 

As you can see, calm is vital to all aspects of life. It’s worth reaching for because it provides a path to focus and a general sense of well-being. With some conscious effort, you can create calm in your life. I hope you do, and in doing so, discover the power that calm can bring.

If you’re struggling to regulate your emotions, and could really use someone to help you find calm, HOLD listeners are ready to listen.  Book now, and find relief.  Click here to schedule.