Finding the Good in the Hardest Moments

Life has a way of throwing us into chaos when we least expect it. The present moment can feel overwhelming, disorienting, and downright impossible to navigate. I know this because I’ve been there.

For eight years, I was a caregiver, and during that time, life often felt like it was crumbling all around me. One particularly difficult night, my ex started coughing up blood. It was late, the kids were asleep, and the paramedics were on their way. I knew their arrival would wake the kids, which meant I’d need to get their help with the dog and call the neighbor to stay with them for the night.

In moments like that, it’s easy to feel consumed by panic and despair. But I also learned something invaluable during those years: when everything feels like it’s going to pieces, there’s still good to be found.

Find the Good

This is easier said than done, but finding the good—even in the middle of the mess—can change everything. The good doesn’t negate the difficulty, but it gives you something to hold on to. It becomes your anchor when the storm rages on.

That night, the good was this: my kids were safe, my neighbor answered the phone, and the paramedics arrived quickly. Those little pockets of light didn’t change the fear I felt or the challenges ahead, but they reminded me that not everything was broken.

Finding the good requires an open mind and a willingness to look beyond the immediate chaos. It might not be obvious at first, and it often feels unfair to have to search for it. But it’s there, waiting to be noticed.

Sometimes, the good is something small and quiet. A kind word from someone who cares. The way your body keeps going even when you feel like you can’t. The knowledge that you’ve made it through every hard moment in your life so far. These aren’t grand gestures or magic solutions, but they matter. They’re the building blocks of resilience.

Focus on Where You Want to Be

The second lesson I learned is this: once you’ve found the good, use it as your foundation to move forward. Shift your focus from the chaos of the moment to where you want to be.

For me, that night meant getting my ex the medical care he needed while ensuring my kids felt safe and supported. I wanted to create a sense of stability for them, even though things were anything but stable.

Focusing on where you want to be doesn’t mean ignoring the present reality. It means acknowledging it and then choosing to take steps toward something better. It’s about being intentional with your energy, even when you have very little of it to give.

This doesn’t always mean taking big, sweeping actions. Sometimes it’s about the small steps—the ones that feel almost invisible but move you forward nonetheless. It might mean making a phone call, setting one small boundary, or simply deciding to breathe deeply and focus on the next five minutes.

Looking Back Through the Years

Through the years, my kids and I have talked about that night. It’s a memory that still lingers for all of us, not because we’ve sugar-coated it, but because we’ve faced it honestly.

I’ve always been careful not to dismiss how terrifying it was for them. They’ve shared how helpless they felt in those moments—watching the paramedics, hearing the urgency in my voice, and sensing the weight of the situation even as I tried to reassure them.

But they also remember the good. They remember the neighbor who came without hesitation, the way we all worked together as a family, and how, despite the fear, they felt safe because we faced it together.

I’ve told them many times that I did the best I could in that moment. I didn’t have all the answers, and I couldn’t erase the fear, but I trusted that doing my best would be enough. And somehow, it was.

That night taught us all an important lesson: even in the most terrifying experiences, there is room for growth, connection, and the possibility of good. We don’t have to deny the hard parts to see the good. We just have to be willing to look for it.

Why This Matters

When life is hard, it’s easy to spiral into fear, anger, or despair. These emotions are valid and natural, but they don’t always serve us when we need to move forward. Finding the good and focusing on where you want to be shifts your mindset. It gives you a sense of agency in situations that feel uncontrollable.

This practice doesn’t make hard times easy, but it does make them bearable. It creates a space for hope, even in the midst of pain.

One thing I learned as a caregiver is that moments of hope are often what carry us through. They don’t have to be big or loud. Sometimes they’re as simple as realizing you have what you need for this moment, even if you’re not sure about the next one.

How You Can Begin

If you’re in a tough moment right now, start small. Look for one thing—just one—that’s good in the middle of the mess. Maybe it’s a kind word from a friend, a moment of calm, or even the fact that you’ve made it this far.

Then, ask yourself: Where do I want to be? What’s one small step I can take toward that place?

It might be as simple as taking a deep breath or making a plan for the next hour. Progress doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful.

Sometimes, it’s helpful to borrow someone else’s perspective. Ask a trusted friend or loved one what they see as “good” in the moment. Often, their ability to see something we’re blind to can help us shift our perspective and find our footing again.

You’re Not Alone

Life’s hardest moments can feel isolating, but you’re not alone in your struggles. If you ever feel the need to talk, to share, or just to be heard, HOLD is here for you. Whether through our confidential listening services or other resources here, we can help provide a space where you can process, reflect, and find your way forward.

No matter what the present moment looks like, remember this: you are stronger than you think, and even in the hardest times, there is good to be found.