Found Family

“I need to go to the hospital.”

“I’ll be there in 45 minutes.” Which meant she was walking out the door as she was talking. I was having complications in my second pregnancy. She came to get my older daughter, so that I could get the care I needed. She wasn’t related, but she was family–my sister.

Found family is family by choice. It’s the people you welcome into your life as if they were your family always. You’re there for them, they are there for you. It’s a connection that many don’t have in their birth family. It’s a connection we all need.

Historical Roots of Found Family

Found family isn’t a new concept; Linda remembers an aunt who was close to her grandmother but unrelated. We know that the concept of godparents has been around for centuries, and while sometimes this role was filled by biological family, sometimes it was not. In reality, however, found family likely predates even this tradition.

The idea of found family can be seen in many aspects of life. Think about your closest friends, the people you can count on without hesitation. They’re the ones who show up in the middle of the night to help you with a flat tire, the ones who sit with you through heartbreak, the ones who cheer the loudest at your successes. These people are your chosen family, your tribe, your support system.

Found Family and LGBTQ+

Found family is especially important in the LGBTQ+ community when biological family may not be welcoming.  There was a recent segment on the Today show that highlighted the path of one person’s journey.  Linda and I both experienced it as touching.  It’s ten minutes long, and you can watch it here.  It speaks powerfully to found family.  He shares his journey from coming out, having his biological family sever ties, to finding his community, love and building a wonderful life.  

One of the most beautiful aspects of found family is its inclusivity. It doesn’t matter where you come from, what you look like, or who you love. What matters is the bond you share, the mutual respect and care that underpin your relationship. Found family is about building connections based on love, trust, and shared values.

Found Family and Life Transitions

Found family can also provide crucial support during major life transitions. When I moved to a new city, I didn’t know anyone. It was a lonely and challenging time. However, I gradually formed connections with others in the community, who became my support system. They helped me navigate the new environment and made me feel welcome. Their support turned an intimidating experience into an exciting adventure.

Found Family Relationships

Of course, maintaining these relationships requires effort. Like any relationship, found family connections need to be nurtured and appreciated. Regular communication, acts of kindness, and being there for each other during tough times help strengthen these bonds. It’s about showing up and being present, just as you would for your biological family.

Celebrating and acknowledging your found family can be incredibly rewarding. Take time to appreciate the people who have become your chosen family. Whether it’s through a heartfelt thank you, a small gift, or simply spending quality time together, these gestures can reinforce the bond you share.

In my own life, I make it a point to show my appreciation for my found family regularly. Whether it’s inviting them over for dinner, sending a thoughtful message, or helping them with a project, I try to express how much they mean to me. These actions not only strengthen our relationships but also bring joy and fulfillment to my life.

I also make it a point to open my life to those who have found me as family.  Clarissa Pinkola Estes talks about the beauty of “Other Mother” in a woman’s life.  She is indeed talking about the concept of found family before it was a widely accepted term.  When we share our hearts, our homes, our food, our knowledge, we uplift and provide sanctuary for another.   

How to Create Found Family

To anyone feeling isolated or lacking a support system, I encourage you to reach out and build your own found family. Building these relationships takes time and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable.  These relationships may continue a lifetime, or they may be for a season.  Regardless, their impact is lasting.

Where do you start?  If you are already involved in a community–start there.  It might LGBTQ+, your local church or synagogue, or another special interest community that you’re already a part of such as Mensa, a gaming community, or fiber arts.  Really, any interest will work as a starting point.  Keep showing up and being yourself.  If one community doesn’t work, keep trying, holding your intention for finding the deeper connections you seek.

Be a friend to those around you, and you will draw your found family in naturally.

Benefits of Found Family

In today’s world, where many people live far from their birth families, the concept of found family is more relevant than ever. It highlights the importance of community and the human need for connection and support. In a society that often feels disconnected, found family reminds us that we are not alone.  The benefits are far reaching in terms of well being.  Burdens feel lighter when shared.  When we find joy with others, it’s amplified.

Found family is a testament to the power of human connection. Found family doesn’t replace anyone.  It’s an addition to. It’s about creating a support network that transcends traditional family boundaries. These relationships are built on love, trust, and mutual respect, offering a sense of belonging and support that is essential for our well-being. Embrace and cherish your found family, for they are the ones who will stand by you through thick and thin, making life’s journey a little bit easier and a lot more enjoyable.