How to Be Happy
Jun 09, 2024
Most of us are quick to say that our desire for our children is that they are happy. The funny thing is, we can’t create happy for them.
Have you ever noticed that when you are around a happy person, you usually start to feel better? And yet, many of us fail to understand that by creating happiness in our life, we have a positive impact on those around us. If you want your children to be happy, reach for it consistently yourself.
Even those who dare to be open about creating happy for ourselves may soften to something smaller. When someone asks, “How are you?” the answer usually isn’t “I’m happy!” Most of the time, we answer with the socially acceptable answer of “I’m fine.”
This blog post is based on the teachings of Abraham Hicks, and it is intended to help you move your feeling state toward happy.
How to be Happy When You’re Not
If you’re not happy, what are you feeling? Do you know? And do you know why you’re feeling that way? If you’re feeling depressed, it’s a really long way from being happy. There’s a wide range between the two feelings. If you are reaching for happiness from depression, you will likely feel worse. Abraham humorously says, “You can’t get there from there. But you can get something that feels a little better.” You can use the question, “What thought feels a little better from where I am right now?” What thought gives me relief from where I am right now? You can be happy again–of course you can! You simply have to allow yourself to go through the process of moving up the emotional scale. (See link below for an additional resource on the emotional scale.)
In each moment, you can decide to reach for something that feels better. You can also decide not to, and take a nap. That’s ok too. When you move into sleep, you naturally rise to a different state until you start thinking about what came before.
Don’t beat up on yourself for not being happy. That’s not the way to get happy! Instead accept wherever it is that you’re starting from, and let it be alright. Acceptance first. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer another that you care about.
One way to start is to as Abraham teaches, “Go general.” Don’t jump straight to the hardest things in your life, but rather start in a less specific place. For example, saying things like:
More is always unfolding for me.
There is a path.
I make bigger deals of things than I need to.
I don’t have to figure it out right now.
Things have a way of working out.
Let it gather some momentum by staying with thoughts like this. It gets easier with practice. You are building new pathways in your brain, and so it takes a little bit of repetition and consistency.
If you’re still stuck, interact with children if you can. They do it naturally. You used to as well. Let them remind you.
See also the article from the Huffington Post at the end of this blog to learn more about behavior activation.
How to be Happy When Others Around You Aren’t
One of the things I love about working with Linda is that she hangs out on the emotional scale consistently around contentment–satisfaction. She has practiced that so long in her life, that even when something pulls her away from that, she very quickly bounces back to that. She finds a better feeling thought until she reaches that place again, and she lands back there over and over again. It’s been a really beautiful experience to work with her and watch her do it.
But not everyone is so lucky to have Linda in their work or life who is that easy. How do you stay happy when those around you are decidedly NOT.
Your sense of well-being must be secure. No matter what it is they feel or why they feel it, you know that you have what you need for your own happiness.
No one else can bring you to a lower feeling state unless you let them. Even when someone else is upset, you can choose to empathize, to have compassion, and their feelings do not have to become yours. This requires self-awareness, and a strong sense of identity.
Linda and I got into a deep discussion at exactly this point of the blog, and I realized I was trying to synthesize in one paragraph what I learned in years of my education, and more, my decades of life experience practicing it. Nevertheless, this is within reach if you want it, too. You don’t have to get a master’s degree. You simply have to know that who you are in every interaction is enough, and it’s not your responsibility to change what anyone else thinks or feels.
You have to believe that everything is unfolding exactly as it is meant to for the person. Even if they are MISERABLE, they are still learning things that will move them forward in new ways in their life. It’s possible then to hold space with them trusting that they will have what they need from life. You can trust that just as you have well-being and happiness, they can too. Don’t tell them that, though, they won’t be able to hear you. Believe in it for them without words until they can.
If this is a person you love very much, it can be challenging to do this. Nevertheless, they get to have their life. They get to have their feelings. And you get to have yours. You are each creating your own reality. You can’t do it for them, but you can be the example that holds the light so they can see what to do.
I hope I have inspired you to reach for good feeling thoughts. Learn to soothe yourself. Everything isn’t going to be sunshine and roses all of the time. Yet we can reach for things that feel better. The power of choice is yours.
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(To learn more: https://www.discoveringpeace.com/the-abraham-hicks-emotional-guidance-scale.html
