"I Feel Like Running Away"

This is a feeling that doesn’t just happen when you’re a kid.  In fact, it’s so common that Time magazine wrote about it in 2016, and in recent days it’s a common theme it’s popped up again in social media.  Years ago Linda had a friend who sincerely wanted to run away with her. 

The feelings of shame that come with this feeling are whispered about only with the most trusted people in our lives.  It tends to be more common in women, but I have known men who also expressed this feeling.

Why is it Common to Feel Like Running Away?

Why is this so common?  The daily overwhelm of our lives continues to build until we reach the point where we are certain that something has to give.  

In the story of Seal Skin/Soul Skin told by Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book Women Who Run With the Wolves (one of my top 5 favorite books), she uses the image of the soul skin to show how we “dry out” when we are gone too long from our own deep needs.  Needs that are deeper than food, water and place to sleep–rather, needs that nourish our soul.  In the story, the woman lives for 7 years without her soul skin.  The result is that “The skin of her eyelids began to peel.  The hairs of her head began to drop to the ground.  She became…palest white.  Her plumpness began to wither.  She tried to conceal her limp.  Each day her eyes without her willing it so, became more dull.”

The main idea is our spirit withers when we don't nourish it.  In our society today, there are a lot of expectations with little community and help.  When one carries the bulk of the burden, it begins to feel like there’s nothing left.  They say it takes a village, but many have lost the village as a result of our modern living.  Instead of sharing the load, we try to take it all upon ourselves.  Men weren’t expected to win the hunt every.single.time.  Women weren’t expected to mind the children alone.  These and more were shared expectations of community.  

It’s no wonder we want to get in the car and keep going!

Releasing the Shame When You Feel Like Running Away

Linda recently offered this piece to someone online when they were saying how ashamed they were that they wanted to run away, and how they felt like a failure–again whispered in the privacy of a group where they felt safe.  

“You have NO idea how common, nearly universal, the desire to run away is. It is hard - when you care. 

And if you care, you aren’t failing. 

We aren’t perfect, but neither are our kids.

The good thing is - it is not a permanent feeling. I had periods when I wanted to run away, and periods when I didn’t.”

Allowing our feelings to have their moment, to be acknowledged and accepted, releases them.  We are able to move on.  It’s when we fight the current and deny or push away uncomfortable feelings, that our souls feel like they’re drowning.

Strategies to Cope When You Feel Like Running Away

Acknowledging and accepting the feeling, as hinted above, is the first step.  But then what?  

This requires listening to yourself.  Allowing yourself to know what it is that you feel is missing.  What is it that you want to run toward?  You may not know immediately.  It may take some time of solitude for this knowing to bubble up.  I promise you, though, it’s there.  You know.  You just have to trust yourself enough to know that you know.  

When the knowing comes, then the challenge is not to dismiss it out of hand.  “I can’t do THAT!” or “It’s selfish of me to do X.”  Now is the time to figure out how to do some, if not all of what your deep self has let you know it needs.  Even if it seems improbable, a step toward it is necessary for the peace and fulfillment you seek.  

Even knowing you have the power to do it, even if you choose not to immediately act on it, is incredibly empowering.  

When You No Longer Feel Like Running Away

When you take care of your needs, your family understands that they can also take care of their needs.  Not to mention, when you take care of your needs, you have the energy to help them when it’s truly needed.  The benefit to your whole family is now joy.  Everyone is happier.  

When I was struggling with the chronic illness of my husband, I experienced more than a dried out soul skin.  The depletion I experienced was extreme.  Our kids were young, and everything was on me–especially keeping him alive.  

It was a process much like I describe above of recognizing, and tuning in to listen to what I needed.  Battling the feelings of selfishness, and not letting them stand in the way of my well being.

When I was able to do that, our family did indeed experience more joy.  Once I replenished myself, we were able to live better–even though the situation hadn’t changed.  I changed, which in turn changed the family.

Our psyche is strengthened each time we tend to the deep needs of soul.  Estes writes further when we care for needs that “Instead of resisting or dreading our chosen work, we move into it fluidly; alive, filled with new notions, and curious to see what happens next.”

Given how common this feeling of wanting to run away is, we need to have it out of the shadows and into the light of day.  We can acknowledge it and make our lives, and lives our loved ones better as a result. I’m living proof.  You can do it too.  

If you need some guidance because you can’t figure out how, schedule an appointment and let a HOLD listener help you find your answers.